Chapter 1
She jammed the key into the unfamiliar lock, falling forward on the door and scattering her books on the floor. It was only her second day. Already she hated Connecticut. She hated Morgan High. She hated her Mother for taking her away from her friends. She was even angry with her father for dying.
“I made it. They cannot get me here.” She said out loud to make her feel less alone. She was wrong.They were already waiting in her bedroom. They were not sitting on her bed, but they were there. Waiting for her to flip the switch.
She placed her milk carefully next to her keyboard, took a bite of P and J and waited patiently for screen to change. She wondered what she was missing at Green Mountain. She only left Vermont last Friday, but a lot can happen when you are in ninth grade. The IM blinked. That has to be Alisha. I knew she would be waiting for me.
“Watch your back. We will be right behind you. The teachers here at Morgan can’t help you. Here we wash out a big mouth with beach sand and salt water- lots of it.” Tears burned Amanda’s cheeks, but she could not stop reading. They had followed her home, trapping her in her own bedroom.
Chapter 2
Like a baseball crashing through a window, her mother’s voice splinters her numbness “Amanda. We don’t want to be late for Ted’s first game.”
“Mom, he has been playing since he was four. She heard a familiar voice. Was it hers? Why was she talking like a brat?
“Amanda, you know very well what I mean. Ted has never played for Morgan before. He is going to need our support tonight.”
Ted. Basketball. They were real. These words screaming at her could not be. She flipped the switch. Gone! Only my imagination. But who are they. Why do they hate me?
They stopped at Mickey D’s on the way. Mom talked more than usual about her new job as a buyer for Wal-Mart’s toy department. Amanda nodded and said “oh” and “great” and made other sounds to show she was listening. She was glad her mother was talking about the future and not their terrible past.
By the time they found a parking spot and reached a seat on home team side, Morgan players were throwing practice shots the game would start and then they could focus on Ted. Maybe there would be no time to ask Amanda about her first day. She heard someone ask about the new kid never missing a shot. She knew after the game everyone would know Ted’s name.
Amanda was right. Ted was the new Morgan High star. After the game Amanda and her mother slipped past all the excited chatter about Ted. They were not surprised at how well he played. The ride home was quiet. She was glad her Mom wanted to go right to bed.
Chapter 3
The next morning Amanda scuffed into the kitchen and collapsed into the chair. Her arms dropped on the table like a marionette with broken strings; her baggy, gray sweats hid her skinny legs and her pink flip flops did not match her flaming, red toenails. Her long dirty blond hair was in a knot with ends sticking out like chicken feathers. Freckles dotted her cheeks and nose in the same pattern that a raccoon wears his mask.
“Do you feel all right?”
“Yeah, mom. I have gym first period so I’ll change after that,” she lied, trying not to let her nerves show. Gym was the first class she had at Morgan. It was on Monday. How could she forget! When she went to shower after a couple of times around the track she noticed her book bag was open. It was not until she stepped out clutching the towel to hide her flat chest, she spotted her makeup bag under the bench with the red scrunchy a few inches away.
At first she thought everything just dropped out. She was shivering so she ran quickly to the dressing room without taking a second look. When she went back to get it, three girls were in back of the lockers whispering. That was really stupid. Why didn’t I lock my things up? But at Green Mountain High I never got anything stolen. If you forgot a book or lost a key it was always waiting for you in lost and found. Everybody knew everybody. One time she lost an earring. Jeff brought it to English. She was surprised that he knew it was hers. Doing nice things came naturally to her old friends.
Maybe I should not have told Mrs. Peters. Maybe if I just did not make a big deal out of it they would have not written the messages. Maybe I over reacted since it was my first day-my first class ever without my old friends. After gym, Amanda had gone to the Vice-Principal. She was in a meeting so Amanda left a note with the secretary.
“Amanda, what’s wrong?” Her mother was reaching over her shoulder sopping up the orange juice creeping across the table.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” she said when she realized what she had done. I was just thinking about how everything has changed for you, me and Ted since Dad died.” Another lie. The second one before she finished breakfast. This is my life now. One big mess. But I can’t let Mom clean this up for me. I have to clean it myself.
Her mother put the soppy towel down and wrapped her arms around her daughter. With their heads pressed against each other, no words were necessary.
Amanda drew in a breath. “Mom I have to get to school. I don’t want to be late on my second day.”
Her mom released her. They were both glad to get through the moment without crying. Amanda rushed out almost forgetting to grab her book bag and her schedule for Tuesday.
Today she had English first period. Class was almost over when Amanda saw Mrs. Peters standing in the doorway. “I would like to see Amanda Mathews.” she said to Mrs. Adams, loud enough for the kids in the next room to hear.
Keeping her eyes glued to the floor, Amanda hurried out of the room. She tried to stay calm but she knew her knees would collapse if she stopped moving.
The vice principal had long brown hair held up on one side with a barrette. She did not look much older than the kids. Shutting the door with one hand and holding Amanda’s note attached to a clipboard in the other, she asked, “Why do you think these girls stole your makeup?”
“I am pretty sure they did it, Mrs. Peters. When I went to get my bag after I my shower, they were just standing there, whispering. Like they were waiting. Waiting to see me cry or yell when I discovered all my stuff gone. Then I looked up to ask them about it and they were gone. Just like that!
“That’s not much proof, Amanda, but I will talk with them now. You can go back in.” Amanda held her breath as she returned to her seat, still making sure she did not look at anyone. Mrs. Peters beckoned to Sherry, Kisha and Christine. “Bring your things. We are going to my office.”
Sherry glared at Amanda as she walked out. Just as she reached the door, she looked back and mouthed, “I will get you for this.” Kisha swayed her hips and held up her middle finger behind her back. Christine looked at the floor and mumbled something about sand.
Amanda slid into her seat. She tried hard not to cry. Could things get any worst? She knew fitting in at new school in March would be difficult; but these girls hated her and they did not even know her. Why did everything have to change? Why did Dad have to die? Why did Mom take this new job? Amanda could feel the silence. She knew kids were staring at her. The silence was waiting for the clicking doorknob just like runners ready to sprint at the sound of the pistol. The first voice came from a tiny girl sitting with her legs tucked under her who never stopped examining her face in a mirror for a new pimple or stray eyebrow hair. “You’re in trouble, girlfriend.”
The kid next to her with a dog chain around his neck nodded his blue hair in support.
“What is your problem?” yelled the stocky, short girl sitting way in the back. She had a pile of chewed sunflowers seeds and was waiting to brush them on the floor at the right moment.
It was obvious Amanda got the girls in trouble. She could feel her cheeks flushing. She wanted to get up and run. Instead she covered her head with her hoodie and tried to sob silently.
Mrs. Adams yelled in a nasty voice, “Cut it out! Let’s get back to the story.” Her sharp, angry tone surprised the class who usually just ignored her. Eventually, most were reading again. Mrs. Adams leaned against the side of her desk with her arms folded. She glared at two girls whispering. Ericka and Tina were texting. She walked to the back and quietly held out her hand for their phones. Corey was rolling his pencil around on the desk. She picked it up without a word. Tim was sleeping. With her head buried deep into her arms, Amanda willed the hot tears burning her eyelids to stop. She could feel Mrs. Adams next to her. Please, Mrs. Adams leave me alone. Don’t ask me if I am all right. Amanda drifted back home.
She remembered it was a Wednesday. She volunteered at the animal shelter after school every Wednesday. She was looking forward to taking the dogs for a walk today without sliding on ice patches. But what came next made her forget all about the dogs, the walk, and the warm spring air. What?” she mumbled, her mouth filled with mushy Cheerios “Just like that! You made a decision to make more changes in my life. Losing Dad was not enough?” The minute the words were out of her mouth she knew she had gone too far. She did not back down. She saw her mother swallow hard, wrap her hands tighter around her blue coffee mug that matched Dad’s sitting empty and dry on the shelf. Mom stared into her steaming crystal ball. Amanda could hear her mother’s tears in her voice.
“ Wal-Mart is transferring me. She whispered. I will be in charge of the toy department at the Old Saybrook store in Connecticut.”
Amanda yelled back. “I will not go!” She shot off the stool so fast it fell over. She ignored the crash and ran to her room.
Later when Ted got home from practice he knocked on Amanda’s door. “Can we talk?” She could never say no to anything her brother asked. She listened while he explained how important this job was to Mom. “Maybe a change of scenery would be good for all of us. Meeting new people, less places and things to remind us of. …Come on; let’s go talk to Mom. Ted put his arm around Amanda and gently guided her to the kitchen table. Mom’s eyes were red. Amanda wished she could take back her words.
“Couldn’t I stay with Alisha or Laurie until June.” Amanda pleaded. “Then start tenth grade at Morgan in the fall?” She had been going to school with the same kids since kindergarten. Mrs. Mathews could not refuse the pain in her daughter’s voice. “Maybe you can stay with Alisha but I don’t think Laurie has room for you. You said her house seemed so crowded with her four brothers.
Alisha and her mother thought it was a great idea. Amanda could finish ninth grade in Vermont at Green Mountain High School. Two days before the move, Alisha’s mother fell and broke her ankle. Amanda thought about asking Laurie, but Mom was right. Her house was already too crowded. Ted and Mom were leaving tomorrow and now she was going with them.
The bell rang. Amanda jumped out her seat and her daymare. She rushed to the door before Mrs. Adams called her name. For the rest of the day she was invisible. She did not go to lunch. She walked around the school, darting into a bathroom to avoid the hall monitor or making up some excuse about forgetting her lunch in her locker. When café period ended, she panicked. If she left school, they might call her Mom. It was 1:30. Last period did not end for 45 minutes. She decided to text Ted. Maybe he could pick her up early if she went to the office and asked to see the nurse.
Amanda stood off the side inside the front hall until she saw Ted pull up. He was sweaty. He just came from practice. She felt guilty.
“What’s up Mandy?” Are you sick?
“Sort of. You know.”
“Oh, that.”
First, lying to Mom. Now to Ted. She held her stomach, pretending cramps. She closed her eyes so she could not look at Ted.
He pulled into the community driveway in front of their new apartment. “I have to get back to practice. Do you mind going in by yourself?”
“Of course, not.” She lied again.
“Well, I thought with everything-you know-so different in there…”
“I will be fine. She hoped this was not another lie. “I am sorry you had to leave practice.”
As soon as Ted drove away, Amanda panicked. Her fingers could not steady the key to open the door. If I can just get in, get away from them. The door flung open. Amanda stared. This is not my home. This is somebody’s attic or cellar. Her bike leaned against a chair in the corner. Ted’s trophies were sticking out of the box next to it. The microwave was on the floor by the refrigerator. Half opened boxes marked miscellaneous made it impossible to walk to her room. This morning she and her brother had rifled through the mess to find the necessities- a hair dryer, toothbrush-deodorant. She almost dropped her book bag on the soggy cereal bowl. Nobody had time in the morning to clean the table. It still had all the usual breakfast leftovers. But now her mother’s coffee cup was a Dunkin Donut’s styrofoam cup. Everywhere she looked she saw proof she was living a throwaway life too. There was no way out of this messy room or her messy new problems.
While she booted up the computer, secretly praying for only friendly messages, she let herself remember her happier life. She picked up the picture of her and Laurie and Ashley skiing last winter at Mount Snow. She remembered every minute of that day. The three of them had sleep at Alisha’s on Friday night. In the morning there was a fresh blanket of snow, the powdery stuff, perfect of skiing. Laurie and Amanda went home to get their skis. Then her Dad drove them to the ski slope. Laurie’s brother, Robert, snapped that picture of the three of them right before they got on the lift. Next to this, was another picture, the last one she had with her father. It was early November and the trees behind them were bare. Now all the gold, and orange had turned into the fall job she and her dad loved. They would spend all day raking leaves, sometimes having a leaf fight or stopping for a snack. A bird might land on the feeder and they would watch silently as it grabbed a sunflower seed and held it in its beak trying to decide to eat it or fly to a safer place. Now all that was in the past. She was sitting in front her computer that at any moment could scream angry messages to her from kids she did not know.
She was right. There were more. “Your clothes look like they come from a consignment shop- just like your cheap makeup.”
Why did we have to come here? I hate it. I hate them. What did I do to them? She flung herself on her bed, hitting her pillow with her fists until she collapsed like the boxer who could not get back up.
“Amanda, I’m home!” Her mother’s voice was like an alarm clock. She jumped up and quickly ran to the bathroom, splashed cold water on her eyes, and then went back to make sure she had shut down the computer. She wanted to handle this without stressing out mom. Mom’s new job was enough pressure for her. Tonight she would email Laurie back home-her real home in Vermont-not this stuck up little town in Connecticut where everybody thought living by the beach made them special.
“Hi. You are home early.” Amanda glanced in the mirror leaning up against the wall checking her face, hoping her mother would not notice her red eyes.
“ Today was just training so our manager let us leave early. Don’t forget Ted’s got another game tonight.” Her mother gave her a quick kiss on the forehead but was too tired to look closely. “I’m going to lie down for a while, then tackle this mess.” Amanda remembered she was going clean up. “I will do it, Mom.” Amanda had forgotten Ted was playing again tonight. After last night’s performance and all the talk she overheard in the halls today, Ted Mathews was the player to watch. Luckily, Coach Powers set knew the Connecticut coach from college. With Ted’s career high of ------, putting Ted on the team was no problem. The only uncomfortable part was which starter he would replace.
“Don’t worry about it, Mom.” I will empty boxes and move the bikes so we do not feel as though we are living in our garage. Then I will fry burgers for supper.” She tried to put the IM’s and her horrible day out of her head. She never lived anywhere except the old farmhouse. This small, cramped apartment was suffocating her, just like her new life. Maybe if she could get it to look better, she would feel better herself.
She rolled the bikes to the tiny front entrance and carried a box to her bedroom and one to Ted’s. She was cleaning off the table when Ted crashed through the kitchen door. “I’m starving. What is there to eat? The game starts in four hours and I have to get there early. Where’s Mom?” Amanda almost laughed at Ted’s non-stop questions. What would she ever do without him? She stopped unpacking just stared at her handsome brother. When his height shot up to six-three last year, his legs, arms and body just could not keep up. Sometimes Amanda wondered how he could be so good at basketball. He reminded her of a marionette who arms and legs moved when someone pulled on the strings.
But Ted did not act like a puppet. After Dad died, Ted grew up really fast, not just in inches. Mom depended on him to do all the chores- cut the grass, shovel snow, change a light bulb, and take care of the car. Amanda is sure she asked Ted about moving to Connecticut.
“Mom is resting and I am making burgers as soon I get this mess cleaned up. If you help, we can eat sooner.”
“I can’t, Mandy, I have a chemistry test tomorrow and the game.” Ted was the only one who called her that. He was three when Mom and Dad brought his new sister home from the hospital. When he said her name, it sounded like Mandy.
“Ok, suit yourself.” Amanda tried to sound annoyed. But they both knew that they could count on each other when it really mattered. Amanda hoped she could get her life under control before Ted suspected a problem. She unpacked boxes until she found the frying pan, some real plates, forks and knives it was about five o’clock when her mom and Ted came back into the kitchen. “Um! We smell food.” Mom said.
“I am starving.” Ted sounded like a little boy who wanted his lunch.
“When are you not starving?” Mom joked. Her nap relaxed her.
Ted gave his mom a quick bear hug. But he was anxious to eat and get to the gym. “Amy, Allen is picking me up in five minutes. Is it ready?”
“Here. Make this the winning hamburger, Ted.” Amanda kidded as she slid the patty off the spatula onto his roll. Ted inhaled it and Amanda had another ready.
“Allen is here.” He jumped up as he grabbed it. “Don’t be late.” He said with a quick glance backwards that showed the confidence Amanda loved in her brother. “I am going to shine tonight. Maybe a Uconn scout will be watching me.”
Amanda and her mother just sat there as Ted whizzed out the door. “That boy lives in a tornado,” said Mom. It is no wonder he is so fast on the basketball court. He does everything fast.”
“He is also good at all of it too.” Amanda added.
“You are right about that. I just wish your father could…”her mom did not finish the sentence, but Amanda knew what she was going to say.
“Mom, we better get ready so we don’t miss the start of the game.”
When Amanda and her mom walked into the gym she quickly scanned the bleachers for any sign of the three girls who had already made her life miserable at Morgan. She was pretty sure they were the girls who stole her make-up. Now, thanks to Mrs. Peters she knew their names. Christine would make sure that her glorious red hair was flying uncontrollably around her face and head so that she could giggle and laugh when one of the boys said, “Ugh, get that mop out of my face.”
Amanda knew she would hear Sherry screaming before she spotted her in the crowd. Sherry was one of those girls who never talked in a normal tone. She was always terribly angry or hysterically happy. If she thought someone was making a comment about her, she would yell louder and put in the “f” word so much it took her twice as long to say one sentence.
Kisha would be easy to pick out because she would be running up and down the bleachers. Kisha was like the class yoyo. Amanda noticed that Kisha and Christine never sat next to each other in any classes. The teachers probably assigned their seats that way. But she was always running over to Christine’s desk. I guess they are too busy sending me those nasty messages to watch basketball tonight, Amanda thought.
She tried to keep her mind on the game. The kids at their old school expected Ted to score high each game and now Morgan kids knew his name and his skill. They yelled, stamped their feet and hooted every time he shot. By the end of the game he had hit his all time best with twenty-two points. The Morgan Dragons beat the Tigers, 83 to 51.
When the game ended, everybody was talking about how lucky they were to get this new kid from Vermont. Mom looked at Amanda and winked as they started down the bleachers. “That is our Ted.” Mom whispered. Maybe this move would help mom heal. She was relaxed, smiling and really happy for the first time in a long time.
When they met up with Ted, outside on the sidewalk, mom asked if anyone was hungry; but Ted was going with the guys to one of the cheerleader’s house to celebrate and Amanda just wanted to get home, to bed, to end this long, stressful day. But the blinking could mean only one thing. There were more. Slowly she booted the computer.
“That’s crazy!” Amanda had forgotten before she left for the game she had forwarded the hate mail to Alisha and Laurie, asking for advice.
“Why are they being so mean to U? They don’t even no U. R U scared? Mayb u better stay home tomorrow. Laurie wrote.
Laurie sounded worried, but Amanda wrote back in caps, “U NO I WILL NOT STAY HOME THEY WILL NO 4 SURE I M AFRAID!
“What will U do if they start up again?” Alisha cut in.
“I don’t no. Got any ideas?”
“Why don’t U tell Ted so he can talk to them?” Alisha answered.
“Ted would definitely tell Mom.”
“She is going to find out & she will b mad bc u did not tell her sooner!” Laurie warned.
“I no. But I don’t want 2 upset her now. I have to go to bed. I am exhausted. By. bf 4 ever!”
Amanda was asleep as soon as her head reached the pillow. But she woke up a few hours later freezing from her nightmare. She was skiing with Alisha and Laurie. She went down the blue trail but her friends went down the yellow one. There was a box in the middle on the path ahead. She skied into it and falling snow quickly covered the box. She was trapped. Kids skied past her. She recognized their voices. They were the same ones who surrounded her in Mrs. Adams’ class. They ignored her screams. When she woke her sheet was so twisted around her arms and she could not pull it over her shivering body.
After a warm shower and a couple more hours of sleep, she felt better. They would not dare to say anything at school. They are only brave behind their computer screens. She sat by herself at the back of the empty bus. A few kids she did not know got on after her. She was glad not to talk. When the bus pulled up to the school’s driveway, she looked around as she stepped on the sidewalk. No girls. She walked quickly to her locker in the 200 hallway. It was not until she grabbed her math book for first period she heard Sherry’s favorite word and her name --- you Amanda.
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